you're one of my best friends. i love you naomi. thank you for all of the memories, the laughter, the maison and the inside joke we have, still. thank you for always being here and for being someone i can always count on. because even if we dont talk for months i can always call you or whatever and you're always willing to help me out.
you're the only one who has dragged me up a hill (and lets not forget, abandoned me so i had to pull my self up) when im sick
the only one who bought huge amounts of maccas chips on my birthday
the only one to park in a clubs carpark just to drink maison in the car
the only one who'll giggle as much as i do when i hear the P word

:)

i'm holding waaaaaay too much from you at the moment

the con-tegan and sara

you tell me you love me. that you thought of me all this time (while i've been wondering if you are thinking of me when i think about you). you're honest with me, and we dont even need to hear it from each other to know that its true. you risk losing her over me and i'm not even there to be with you.
i miss you more than anything. i think about you all the time. i dream about you. i talk about you to anyone.
though i want you back, i know you'll always be here as i will be for you.

you mean the world to me

All I see scares me
No one waits...

You will never waste my time, no, no
You will never waste my time, 'cause...

Well, she locks all the doors and turns, says,
"We will always be safe here in this bed
All I see scares me, and no one waits forever."

So come closer, baby
I want to see what you're made of, see what you're made of
'Cause this isn't all we could be
You're not the same, and I'm, I'm not the same and...

No one could ever wait for you
And no one, yeah, no one could ever wait for you
I'll wait for you, love

But you are the never ending sleep
That I love to treat with this medicine
I get from my, my closer friend
But all I see...

So come closer, baby
I want to see what you're made of, see what you're made of
'Cause this isn't all we could be
You're not the same, and I'm, I'm not the same and...

i'm thankful for understanding uni tutors. after the stupid uni messed everything up for me i now have the staff on my side, she said i dont deserve it cause i work so hard. lets hope i do okay in the special enrolments thing.. lets just say i'm doing it that way cause i'm awesome, yeah.. :D

hopefully something works itself out

malicious gossip at its finest: occurs when the individual spreading it contradicts themselves in the rumours they try to spread, to the faces of the people its about.

i NEVER thought anyone older than me could be this stupid and immature. i only laugh at you because you're pathetic and know nothing about me and my relationships ahahhahaa

Number 6


thanks, for letting yourself mean so much to me

i love my son, so much. i'm lucky to have him in my life

today i am thankful to have my real friends back/in my life. i feel so much better now :)

Two
i'm thankful we have disagreements. i dont like them but i always learn from them, and i'm sure you do too. you're worth the tears.

Three
i'm so glad you never called me. it made me forget about you for just a little while. and i am kinda hoping you're not thinking about me this whole time

hey. i'm back :D
and i'm starting off with something from my health psychology class. we're studying the psychology of happiness. and apparently this experiment/exercise makes you feel more satisfied with life. every day, or when you have time or whatever, you list or write about something you are thankful about.

Number One.
i am thankful for all the time and effort, hours and energy that carly put into fixing up my hair, washing it, brushing it and cutting it. it looks awesome. now i love it when she runs her hands through it, when she talks about it to other people, when she talks about it when we are alone together.

i miss the person you made me out to be
i felt so strong and how you didnt even have to hold me for it to be alright

im crumbling with the way things are now and i dont know how to express it

huri mai ra ki ahau e tau nei
noho i te aroha taku kotiro
noho i te aroha te ngakau o ahau

e hine

rongongia to ataahua o te ahau
e matakitai ko te ahau
e matakiaki kei matauria

huri mai ra ki ahau e tau nei
kei kona tonu a wairua ahau
mo ake tonu atu

he aha kei taku uma?
he aroha ranei?
aue, he aroha
taku ataahua

e hine

ka rite ta taua aroha
ki te tai o te moana
ki te mahana o te ra
me to kahurangi o te ata

ko taku aroha e haere tahi ana kia koe

e hine


the first poem in maori. if you read it go easy on me    

She said
"You're a touch overrated,
You're a lush and I hate it,
But these grass stains on my knees
They won't mean a thing"

And all I need to know
Is that I'm something you'll be missing
(is that I'm something that you're missing)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far




pretty much says it all.

ive realised i'm addicted to potatoes.
fatty potato products.

i watched the jamie oliver show and it depressed me. i can't really eat eggs at the moment because of it.
maybe its something about watching a bunch of baby chickens be gassed to death.

i'm putting writing on hold.
is it ever okay to not express what you're feeling? cause i've kinda given up trying to write something meaningful in what i write. i'm sick of failing in it. i really am sick of trying to do it. i hate writing then screwing up my paper. i dont like creating something that isnt right. especially when i write for myself.

and also; i realised i didnt listen to any music the other day until 10pm. thats weird. it really is. stupid friday.

i woke up before 10am today. i feel good about it, maybe i'll actually sleep tonight..

if youre interested, my favourite colour is burnt orange. for no actual reason of liking it, i really love it and anything orange.
i'm going to shower soon. soon because i feel like singing..

new words i already knew but i should take into account:
existentialism
subsistence
contemporaneous


i was going to write but no.

maybe actual loneliness was what i needed to solve the lonely problem?
and not be listened to to solve the not listening to problem?
i dont know how but i worsened circumstance wise yet feel better emotionally.

the key to caring is listening.
i need nothing more but to be listened to.
i do nothing but listen.



maybe its the garlic spagbol talking mmmmmk

the line went dead
but she was still holding on the other end
she inhaled as if she was taking a hit of courage
we both knew what she was about to say
still the air lingered as if no actual life existed between us
i forgot it even existed even
she drew in another breath, preparing herself
for just three words we both knew
she was going to say them, i knew it
she knew it too, still the fear stood before her

a moment later she let out a sigh
she started crying
out of fear? out of what?
what was she feeling?
i could feel her tears through the phone line
frozen, i didnt know what to do
should she even be saying this to me?
those three words.
so simple
so easy to spell
but mean so much

she drew in the largest breath yet
she let it out.
there, she said it.
for a moment i forgot to breathe
her exhale brought me back to reality
there, yes, she said it
and in one breathe i said it back
there, its said, and its done

i guess its okay to exhale now..

forgive me, i'm not good with words
but those mean everything
and they're the clearest things ive ever said
or ever heard and believed
each time i hear you inhale
i'll remember